An open letter to an ugly chair

Dear Ugliest Chair In The World,

Your owner loves you dearly, just as you are. His wife wants to burn you or drop you out of the car on the parkway. Your fake leather paper-thin granny-skin fabric is flaking away, and I'm afraid it's time to die or be re-born. Of course we should save your 2 redeeming features so that your owner will still love you 1. you have some contoured padding, and 2. you rock and glide, so at least that's something going for you. Let's see what we can do so the wife will tolerate you...

Well that's an improvement, you look all grown up. But your bloke will still love you, after all, I added a TV remotes and beer holder.